So you can imagine how excited I was when shopping at Khols I found the cutest Alexander snowman. It light's up and changes colors every 2 seconds. To me, it is simply adorable. And not only that, I saw it at the right time, I needed to see it. Why? Because inspite of my fondness for Christmas, this year has been different. Up until now I really haven't been in the "Christmas Spirit". I mean the tree hadn't been unpacked, no lights, no decorations,....nothing. And that is SOOOO not like me. In dealing with that I realized that I didn't want to embrace the holiday until I knew how I was going to include Alex. I needed to know that as I was moving forward, he was coming along with me. Which brings us back to Khols - lol. When I saw the snowman I just smiled and smiled. And for a moment I felt like a normal mom seeing something cool for their child, eagerly paying for it, and rushing home to show them. That was me, I eagerly bought Alex's snowman, rushed home to show the kids, and couldn't wait to hang it on our tr....Oh wait, that's right.....I HADN'T PUT THE TREE UP YET! Well Austin and I got busy decorating and assembling the tree. We played Christmas music and made a dedicated area to Alex. When we finished I thanked Austin saying, "thank you so much for helping me Austin, I am just so happy to have help from my little man". Austin replied, " Alex helped too! You see his snowman over there decorating that spot...yeah that's Alex helping". He was so serious so I replied, " you are right, both of my little men helped me...thanks guys!" And he was right more than he knew. Alex DID help.....he motivated me. Getting excited about something for him motivated me to climb another hurdle. THANKS ALEX BABY
**grief update - it's going - lol
I am having great moments and sad days. I think the medicine has enabled me to focus at work so that is a blessing. My crying spells still come at random and unpredictable times. BUt I am here and I am still standing and on some days that's all that I can ask for. What I can say as a small testimony is: Everytime I get to what I think is a breaking point, I ferverently seek God in prayer. I cry out to him until I have no energy left. And in the midst of my depleted state He ALWAYS steps in and renews my soul if only for a moment, He renews it just enough to get up and continue this walk. He is so awesome in that way. I stand as a witness to scripture that He will never leave you nor forsake you.