And then their are the people that after they know they avoid me like the plague. I know it is only because they don't know what to say or how to "handle me" but I want so badly to scream "PLEASE BE NORMAL WITH ME, YOU MAKE IT WORSE BY ISOLATING ME" but I try to understand.
And finally THE question: "aren't you mad at God?"
THE answer: NO, I am not nor have I ever been mad at God. God is sovereign and He can do as He pleases. He is all knowing and Has a firmer grasp on my life than I ever could. I am reminded of the book of Job (especially chapters 38-40), in those chapters God makes it clear who is in control and who is not.And He clearly chastises those who complain or attempt to blame Him.
So that's where I am at this hour. I'm weepy, sad, frustrated, tired, and feeling very human/fleshy. None of this may make any sense but it is an honest account of how I am right now :-/