So today was our first vist. The club house itself is really nice. Very colorful...each kid has thier own name tag and thier own tile they design in honor of their loved one (Alex). There was an art room full of all kinds of arts and crafts (Austin's favorite room), a music room, game room, teen lounge (since Alexis turns 13 in two days they let her take a look - she was so excited), a kid living room, library, etc. They host activities twice a month. One activity is at the club house and one activity is always an outing (they go skating in two weeks). I am just really happy they will be able to meet other kids who have loss a sibling and hopefully will develop friendships that will help them heal.
As for me...I am doing okay. I had to come to a point in which I knew I needed more help. I had become very frustrated with the grief process - very frustrated. I felt like I was a walking contradiction. I mean, I understand that Alex was a gift. I am grateful that God chose me to carry him. I know it was God's plan and I understand that Alex is safe and happy with Jesus. What frustrated me was...knowing ALL of that...accepting ALL of that did not diminish or ease my pain AT ALL. How could the two co-exist? But they can and they do. And for the past few weeks, that pain is all I could focus on....I was slipping into a deep depression. I just missed my baby sooo much and life just seemed to be a little too much. So, I took the advice of my doctor and began taking some temporary medication to help me "live while grieving". It has only been four days and I can't say I am a new person or anything like that but I can tell it is helping me cope. We wei