God is still near and only allows me to stray oh so far away from "His plan". I had what I guess would be called a breakthrough in the shower. As I wept my sobs became words and my words became prayers and my prayers became praises. I did not act like I understood what God was doing but I stood on what I know as truths. He is good, His plan is perfect even when I am not. He is God. And I am learning to praise Him through my pain. The pain is there and it is real and I do not see it leaving anytime in the near future. All I can do is send praises up in the midst of what I don't understand trusting that God will pour down a peace that surpasses ALL understanding and in time my pain will cease.
I have been so touched and forever blessed by the words of encouragement and testamonies you all have given. Old friends, new friends, family, and strangers.....all of you have enriched our lives. Whenever I hear about Alexander's story blessing someone or reminding them of God's love....I take a deep breathe and slowly exhale saying "Thank you God...Thank you Alexander...your life was not in vain".