When I left the appointment I found myself very emotional.....I really think that deep down I hoped for something different to happen today. I wanted a miracle - there I said it. Now, I know what most are thinking...there is still time for a miracle...I know. I just didn't realize until leaving that I wanted a miracle today and my heart was disappointed. My heartache is deepening and I find myself entering what I can only describe as "my valley". I have spent a lot of time praying and being by myself today. I understand now that this "valley" is a necessary place to be and that I am being "prepared for battle" so to speak. The Dr. said something so right today... he said "you have done all that you can do"....and I have. God is preparing me for the next stage in this. During this time I do find myself solemn and somewhat detatched. I'm quiet and very much introverted. I have struggled with understanding these new feelings but in searching I was reminded of a scripture my Dad posted on here...."Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not until thy own understanding, in All thy ways acknowledge Him and He will direct thy path". I may not ever fully understand what I am feeling but I do know that God does. He is preparing me for something only He knows and understands. My job right now is to surrender to His will and simply LET GO. Let go of my expectations, my wants, my desires, my fears, and my anger. So I am embracing these new feelings as they come. I am okay with being quiet and withdrawn right now because this is serious business and I am surrendering my entire being to this journey/process. So please bear with me as I walk through my valley.
In other news, due to the increase of anxiety and physical discomforts my Dr has placed me on half days at work. I really needed that and I am grateful that he supported that.
Well I have written enough. I will try to post soon but as I said earlier, I'm in my valley right now but I will write whenever I feel led.