Hi Mommy's sweet Angel! Oh how I miss you so much. Today it has been eight months since you have been gone and with each passing day I long for you more. These past eight months have been a lot different than the previous eight months. The biggest difference? You were with me. In December of 2009 God blessed me with your spirit inside of my womb. Our spirits met and a bond so strong was formed. A bond that was bigger than morning sickness, stronger than any parental doubt, and defied all odds...including a terminal diagnosis. The day I was told that I would not be able to take you home...as your mother I felt helpless, I felt like a failure. I didn't quite understand how this could be God's plan? I prided myself in being a good mother to your brothers and sister. I believed that I could do a good job with you too. I wanted the opportunity to be your mother. But I already was. I had the blessed opportunity to nuture and care for you for eight months. You were my most precious cargo during that time and I treasured every moment we shared together.
Oh how mommy wanted you! I wanted you so badly. I wanted to hold you, rock you, and calm your fears. I wanted to nurse you and burp you and watch you as you slept. I wanted to tickle you and make you laugh and watch as you learned new things. I wanted to watch you grow and guide you towards being a honorable man of God. Those dreams are hard for me to give up. I know that you are with God and that you are happy but like any mother I really wish that I could ask....How are you? Are you happy? Do you miss me? Have you made any friends? Have you seen G-Gram, Dear, Paw Paw? Have you gotten a chance to sit on Jesus' lap yet? What songs do the angels sing? Do you sing along? Are you being good? I know you are. Baby, I just love you so much and want to be apart of your life ...the here .... and the hereafter. I will always be your mother and you will always be my son. Our spirits are still bonded. You are so precious and special. Did you know that you touched a lot of people lives? I am so proud of you. When you were born...a deep love came with you. You were so strong my little one. You beared a burden of suffering that touched everyone that met you. Your whole life embodied love.....you are love....love in its purest form. That love that you carried is still doing a good work today. Your Auntie Debby decided to stop smoking and drinking and she says she's doing it for you :) She is doing a great job and I know that you are as proud of her as we are. As for me, you are my driving force to love. I try to love like the God given love you possessed. And when I suceed I cant help but to think of you and thank you for changing me. I am better since you entered my womb, you touched the essence of my being and you are forever etched into my heart.
I'm still trying to decide how to celebrate your first birthday, do you have any request?
Well, I guess I will wrap this up sweetie. I thank God for you.Be good, continue to love well, and please know that I am counting down the days, the hours, the minutes that we can embrace once again.
Keep Mommy, Daddy, Anthony, Alexis, and Austin in your prayers. We love you Alex and we miss you being here with us. We desire to reunite with you in heaven. And we will do everything we can to get there.
Love Always and Forever,