Finding out that we were expecting again......
Picture taken at 12 weeks
On December 5, 2009 Sean and I vacationed to our favorite place…Jamaica! We had a ball as usual…soaking up their wonderful culture, eating amazing food, and simply enjoying each others company. We ended up bringing back an invisible gift…..we conceived! Now I would be lying to you if I said we jumped for joy when we found out. Being that this would be our fourth child my third pregnancy and that our youngest is almost 7 we were a little concerned. Can we afford another baby? We are starting over! But with time our baby was growing and so was our love and acceptance.
This pregnancy began like the other two - horrible morning sickness. Within weeks and a couple of trips to the ER I was diagnosed with Hypermesis Gravidum (severe morning sickness). And although this was not uncommon (especially not for me) I could not shake that something with this pregnancy was not quite right. Chalk it up to a mothers instinct but I knew something was wrong.
On April 13, 2010 we attended our routine 20 week ultrasound scan. This is the “main” ultrasound done to scan the babies anatomy and it is when most parents find out the sex of their baby…a very exciting anticipated day. Our day took a little turn. When the ultrasound tech began she immediately expressed concern because she could not get a good look at the baby. She asked if anyone had ever told us that I had low amniotic fluid? No was our response. She halted the scan and told us that we would have to see the doctor. The doctor came in and explained that my fluid appeared low and that the babies heart appeared enlarged. She stated not to worry (yeah right) but insisted we go see a perinatalogist to get a level II scan. I was floored…my mind raced and my fingers got to googling. Heart defects, ruptured membranes, etc were the hits of the day. We had our appt with the specialist two days later on April 15, 2010. The tech there seemed to be able to see a little better so I was instantly relieved. She pointed out arms, legs, spine, and…what is that? Oh, it’s a boy! We were all smiles when she walked out to get the doctor. All smiles until the Dr walked in. I could tell something was wrong. He was so stone faced and serious yet very soft spoken…you know like when you have to tell someone bad news. He said few words while he scanned the baby but then dropped the bomb….”I’m sorry Mr. and Mrs. Trimble but it does not appear that your baby ever developed kidneys or a bladder…this is known as Potters Syndrome"
This pregnancy began like the other two - horrible morning sickness. Within weeks and a couple of trips to the ER I was diagnosed with Hypermesis Gravidum (severe morning sickness). And although this was not uncommon (especially not for me) I could not shake that something with this pregnancy was not quite right. Chalk it up to a mothers instinct but I knew something was wrong.
On April 13, 2010 we attended our routine 20 week ultrasound scan. This is the “main” ultrasound done to scan the babies anatomy and it is when most parents find out the sex of their baby…a very exciting anticipated day. Our day took a little turn. When the ultrasound tech began she immediately expressed concern because she could not get a good look at the baby. She asked if anyone had ever told us that I had low amniotic fluid? No was our response. She halted the scan and told us that we would have to see the doctor. The doctor came in and explained that my fluid appeared low and that the babies heart appeared enlarged. She stated not to worry (yeah right) but insisted we go see a perinatalogist to get a level II scan. I was floored…my mind raced and my fingers got to googling. Heart defects, ruptured membranes, etc were the hits of the day. We had our appt with the specialist two days later on April 15, 2010. The tech there seemed to be able to see a little better so I was instantly relieved. She pointed out arms, legs, spine, and…what is that? Oh, it’s a boy! We were all smiles when she walked out to get the doctor. All smiles until the Dr walked in. I could tell something was wrong. He was so stone faced and serious yet very soft spoken…you know like when you have to tell someone bad news. He said few words while he scanned the baby but then dropped the bomb….”I’m sorry Mr. and Mrs. Trimble but it does not appear that your baby ever developed kidneys or a bladder…this is known as Potters Syndrome"
The decision to carry to term.......
Picture taken at 23 weeks
After receiving Alexander's fatal diagnosis the Dr. put me on bed rest for one week. This time was mainly for us to decide what we wanted to do. Most medical professionals suggest "terminating" a pregnancy that is what they call "Lethal" or "not compatible with life" but ultimately the decision was ours. Or was it ours? As the week progressed the decision became quite clear. While we were very excited to become new parents again and that this baby was inside of me....he was not "ours".....he belonged to God. And only God had the right to dictate when Alexander entered and left this world. Only God knew "the plan" so how could we interefere? We decided to carry to term and allow God's will to be done whatever that is.
Now with this decision has come a lot of pain, hurt, sadness, and joy. We want so badly to hold, keep, and raise our precious son. Each day brings new emotions, fears, and tears. I am blessed to carry this gift and I enjoy getting to know my son through his kicks and wiggles. I delight in knowing that I will see him, hold him, kiss him, love on him if only for one minute, one hour, one day, or one lifetime. And I have peace in knowing that when his time has come he will be in the arms of the Most High.
Now with this decision has come a lot of pain, hurt, sadness, and joy. We want so badly to hold, keep, and raise our precious son. Each day brings new emotions, fears, and tears. I am blessed to carry this gift and I enjoy getting to know my son through his kicks and wiggles. I delight in knowing that I will see him, hold him, kiss him, love on him if only for one minute, one hour, one day, or one lifetime. And I have peace in knowing that when his time has come he will be in the arms of the Most High.