Well I am currently 34 weeks and 4 days. I saw my OB yesterday and I am 1-2 cm dialated. Alexander is doing well - still moving and still growing on target. I see the Dr. again next Tuesday and I will be admitted that Tuesday night. The induction will be that following day. Now this is of course if Baby Alex doesn't decide to come on his own in the meantime. By the way I have been feeling that is very possible. I have been having very painful contractions that span over a course of hours and then stop for hours. I was awoken at 3am today with horrible pain that did not subside until about 6am. SInce then I have been having intermittent contractions that are not too too bad but defintely get my attention - lol.
Emotionally, I am hanging on to God's love like my life depends on it ( it does actually). As time closes in I find myself full of emotions that I myself cannot sort out. I find myself having to recite biblical affirmations to myself to get through really tough panicky times. It is true...if you study God's word it will take root and He will bring His words back to your rememberance when you need them the most. I wrestle with fear and anxiety alot and continue to fight the spirit of lonliness because deep down I know that is a lie. I wish I was able to engage more with people but I just can't right now. I feel like I am fighting on a battleground that only I can see. I feel like I am rambling so I hope I am making sense.
Those are the only words that I am able to share but I will share the words that flow freely when I talk to my Father:
Heavenly Father, Abba, My Prince of Peace - I come before you oh God...humble and full of thanksgiving in my heart. Father I praise you because you are good, you are kind, and you are merciful. I praise you for who you are and I will forever lift your name on high. For you are glorious and worthy to be praised! I thank you for the greatest gift you've given in your son Christ Jesus - I acknowledge that He is my savior and that he died and rose for me. Thank you Lord. Father I seek your forgivness now. If I have done or said anything that was not pleasing to you, please forgive me, convict me, and help me turn away from all that is not of you. I surrender my will and ask that you use me as a willing vessel for your glory. Father, thank you for choosing me to carry your beloved Alexander. Help me oh God to love and cherish Him as you intended. I know this is a priviledge and I am so grateful for every moment you have allowed me to have with him. Thank you for using Alexander to glorify your kingdom. As our time nears an end I seek your face in all things. Please bring about a peace that surpasses all understanding. As Alexander enters this world I ask that your presence fills the room touching the hearts and minds of all present. Whatever your plan is I know it is perfect and I surrender to it. Lord I love you, I am madly in love with you. You are so beautiful and I just honor YOU. Alexander and I need you now - please continue to wrap us up in your arms where we find refuge. Hold us close dear God as we bask in your love. Please don't let us go. We love you and we thank you for everything. Help me to be a shining light for you. Help me to show the world just who you are. Show me how to reach your people. Help me to love the way you do. Finally, I ask that you bless everyone who reads this. Let them know that their is no greater love than the love of God. Show them...use me...use Alexander.....we surrender oh God....have your way.
In Jesus' name