Today's emotion? I really, really miss being pregnant with Alex something, even though I tried not too but at times took for granted. I remember physically being so sick all of the time and desperate for relief. Emotionally, I was sad a lot. Some days it was hard to "savor" each moment but now...I would do anything to feel his kicks and squirms again. I would suffer through the nausea and pain..I'd do it all over again if it meant carrying my precious boy again. I miss feeling him stretch. I miss feeling his hiccups. I loved our games of "push back". Most of all, I just loved us being one. Now sitting here...feeling my empty stomach and looking at my empty arms it just sucks.
I'm in solemn place in this walk right now. I feel as if all of my emotions have been poured into a pool and they are just wading. I stand over them looking at each one feeling the subtle tugs of sadness, hurt, and fear on my chest. I feel numb at times and overwhelmed with emotions at other times. Not knowing what is in store has been unsettling for me....faith and I haven't been on the best of terms. In ways I feel like God is wearing me down to an ultimate surrender, one He knows He has instilled within me. While I will admit, I am not there yet...I remain hopeful. Right now, I'm tired. I'm worn out. I'm weary.
Today's emotion? I really, really miss being pregnant with Alex something, even though I tried not too but at times took for granted. I remember physically being so sick all of the time and desperate for relief. Emotionally, I was sad a lot. Some days it was hard to "savor" each moment but now...I would do anything to feel his kicks and squirms again. I would suffer through the nausea and pain..I'd do it all over again if it meant carrying my precious boy again. I miss feeling him stretch. I miss feeling his hiccups. I loved our games of "push back". Most of all, I just loved us being one. Now sitting here...feeling my empty stomach and looking at my empty arms it just sucks.
1 Comment
TDebby
11/11/2010 06:35:10 am
I hope you begin to feel better. These last 2 nights have not been good for me. Dreaming of Babies, Dreaming of Alexander.
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Angelle TrimbleI am a married mother to five amazing children. Four still walking with me on earth and one blessed soul we had to say goodbye to early. This is our journey about loving and letting go of our son Alexander who was diagnosed with Potter's Syndrome BRA at 20 weeks gestation. Archives
April 2012
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