I was warned that over time, people who you thought would be there will disappear and people who you least expect will suddenly appear. I didn't quite believe or understand that but it has played out to be true. I'll be honest,I am hurting over this one. I am not only grieving my son, I feel at times I am grieving friendships/relationships as well. Ones that I have cherished and loved deeply. I even grieve my former self - who I used to be - I miss her sometimes but understand that I will never have her back. I can tell that my grief is uncomfortable for some people around me. I understand (thanks to therapy) that all everyone wants is for me to feel better and when I am not "myself" it makes them uncomfortable - I get that. It's just a hard reality to accept sometimes especially knowing that "self" isn't coming back. But once again, God is so good that He has made provisions for every step along the way. He knew this experience would change me AND my garden. Yes, some of my beautiful flowers once in my garden are unable to sustain themselves in my new garden. Not the right conditions, not the right time, not the right season. But through this journey new seeds have been planted and different flowers meant to bloom in THIS season and weather my conditions are emerging. I am referring to the mothers online that I have bonded with, the prayer partner I have had alongside this daily journey, the strangers who email or message out the blue with words of encouragement, and every person who has expressed being touched by my sons life. All of those fragrant vibrant flowers are blooming around and sometimes in the midst of what feels like a Tsunami, I take a deep breath and inhale the sweetest smell.....God's love in each and every flower in my garden.